Gathering the herd (the wedding party)
One of the most anticipated parts of wedding planning is asking your wedding party members. This process can also cause unexpected heartache and stress. To help make this the most exciting and blissful time with your friends, there are some proactive measures you can take.
Timing really is everything
With the increase in couples footing the bill for their wedding mostly themselves and couples choosing to hit other milestones such as buying a house or graduating college before tying the knot, longer engagements are becoming more of the norm. It is increasingly common for engagements to last 16-24+ months. It is best to wait until you’re around 1 year to 9 months out from your wedding to ask your wedding party. Reason for this is-
1) no one is as excited about your wedding as you are. You don’t want your wedding party to lose enthusiasm early.
2) Relationships fortunately and unfortunately change. You may get really close with someone and wish you would have asked them and on the flip side you may drift away from someone.
By asking 9 months to a year out, you give ample time for planning, festivities and for your wedding party to budget accordingly.
Budget Considerations
It isn’t a secret- weddings are expensive AF. They are expensive for everyone involved in the wedding party as well. The best thing a couple can do for their friends in their wedding party is keep budgets in mind. If you have a wide breadth of friends this may be more difficult.
If you have friends who are still college students- keep that in mind when choosing your bachelorette party destination and bridesmaid dresses.
When it comes to dresses- it is never a bad idea to ask each of your friends what they are comfortable spending.
If you require hair and make up to be professionally done, you should foot the bill. It is always a nice gesture to at least cover part of it if your budget allows.
Communication
Communication with your wedding party will be vital. Making sure everyone is on the same page, understanding deadlines, etc. However, you do not want to become the nagging bride.
The best option is usually an email chain with vital information such as deadlines for accommodations, and attire. Then closer to the wedding, giving information regarding wedding weekend specifics. Beyond these emails, if you have a responsible “point person” (usually the best man & maid of honor), let them be the ones to send the reminders- if you can depend on them.
Social Etiquette
You have to give your wedding party a plus one. If you do not like a groomsman’s girlfriend, you still have to invite her. Head tables used to be much more popular when friend circles were close knit and the groomsmen all knew the bridesmaids or were even dating them. You really have to seat your wedding party with their dates. This has made sweet heart tables much more popular. This is where the couple sits separately at their own table and the wedding party is often spread out.
If you know two members of your wedding party do not get along, address the issue early on. Understand that your friends feelings are most important.
At the end of the day, what REALLY matters is having your closest friends and family members standing by you on your day.